Being Happy

Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect, it means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections. 

What makes one happy? Is it money? being with someone? No it has to start with yourself. You have to happy with yourself or you will never be happy with yourself. Sure we all have things we would like to be, change or have. But we are all human.


I had a bad year last year and I let it get to me, but not any more. I have taken charge of life and not going to let things get me down like they did.


How I started to get to this wonderful place was first and fore most. I had to love myself. Second I had to forgive everyone that had done things wrong to me. Let me tell you the second one was the hardest thing to do. Third is to start to make changes in my life that I feel I need to change.


If you want to succeed in your life, remember this phrase: That past does not equal the future. Because you failed yesterday, or all day today, or a moment ago. All that matters is: What are you going to do, right now?

Now I am not going to say, that my life is perfect and I am the happiest man in the world. But I will say I am happier now then I have been in years. And I still have a long way to go but I am on the right path.

Sadness

There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's time. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.


This is a very hard time of the year for me. With my Dad gone, working a lot of hours and not being able to go to church . I don't know how to feel this holiday season? But with my sadness also comes creativity. I tend to be a better writer when I go thought sad spells.

My Dad and I

I am truly sad tonight, thinking of all the poor choices I made in life. Wishing I could turn the pages of time back just correct them and see where I would be? I know I should not think this way, but I do and often. Even with all my choices I have made I was very lucky to have two parents that were there for me, no matter what. But still I feel sad.

I have so many random thoughts going though my head right now. I am having problems trying to sort them out and write them down. Some good and some bad. I would love to write them but again I am afraid too. Afraid of who might read it.

I go though life, like I always have with a smile on my face and inspirational post on Facebook. But always remember you can tell what a person is hiding, in the manor in which they hide it in. So I hide my sadness every day of life. No one really knows how I truly feel. Not even my best friends. I have masted it.

My pain runs deep in my veins and heart. I would like for it to go away and never come back, but it does. What can I do to fix it? I ask myself that question every day. So much pain so much sadness and most of all so much regretted. 

I have given you just a taste of what I went though as a child, as for an adult I think it might scare or upset you what has happened. I chose the wrong path. Now don't get me wrong, I am not talking about being gay or even a leatherman. It is way more complected then that. Way more. Not to even talk about my love life. Yes I have been blessed to date and live with some good men, but I am still alone.

It is easy to think good thoughts, but reality is another story.....

What am I do? Where do I go from here? Only the hands of time will be able to tell.

How I feel some days

Heard this song today, and it hit home to me, so I wrote it down and changed some the words to everything I was feeling today.

So sick of the people getting a free ride, I don't like how I gotta work and They just sit around and get paid. I hate all of the people who can't drive their cars. Bitch you better get outta the way, Before I start falling apart. I hate how my life is always up my ass, I always want to buy brand new things But I don't have the cash. I hate my job, all of my rich friends
I hate everyone to the bitter end. Nothing turns out right There's no end in sight
I hate my life!




How come I never get laid nice guys always lose. How could he have another headache, There's always some kind of excuse. I still hate my job, "I don't get paid nearly enough To put up with all of this shit" So if you're pissed like me Bitches, here's what you gotta do Put your middle fingers up in the air Go on and say "Fuck you!" So much at stake, can't catch a break I hate my life
No, it's nothing new hear "it sucks to be me"
I fuckin hate my life