Playtime Explored – Role/Play

July 31, 2012

By Paul Brown

Role-playing fantasies is a great tool; they assist in awakening creativity and imagination in the couple, Role-playing can also help divert from routine sex, and may heighten and enrich sexual relations.

The beauty of role-playing is that you can be anyone you want: anyone you have ever wanted to be or anyone your partner has always desired. Always had a thing for nurses, teachers, or cops? Act out our sexual fantasy with a little role-playing and add some fun and spice to your sex life. With the right partner, you shouldn’t be too shy or too nervous to give fun sex a try.

Role-playing and sex games can go beyond just a little talk and pretending — you can dress up in outfits and costumes and act out an entire fantasy or scenario. Start out with something simple, and work your way into more complex role-playing as you and your partner become more comfortable. It’s exhilarating to shed your everyday self and be someone different and exciting, and it’s even more fun to take on that new persona in bed with sex games. Pretending that you’re someone else may make you feel less inhibited, more relaxed, and more willing to try something new.

Bondage or SM (sadomasochism) is a fantasy-based type of role-playing in which leather and restraints are often used. Leather can be erotic for many people; so can the idea of bondage and control. However, it’s important to make sure both parties enjoy these types of sex games and that each person in the relationship is comfortable with bondage or SM role-playing.

There are lots of sex games you can play, and role-playing is a great place to start. Do you or your partner have a certain fantasy? Start with that.

Playtime Explored: When is pain not pain?

Often people outside the scene don’t see the appeal in any of the things SMBD do that look painful. What’s enjoyable about being hit? Where’s the fun in getting bruised? Well, think about this. Have you ever had intense sex and afterwards noticed bite marks on your neck of which you had no memory? What happened was your love partner bit you, HARD, hard enough that it bruised you, and all you felt was another jolt of pleasure? If they bit you that hard when you weren’t having sex, you would scream “OUCH!!!” because it would hurt a lot! But when you are sexually aroused, your pain tolerance goes way up, and stimulation that you usually feel as pain is now actually pleasurable.

This is common knowledge. Another usual explanation is that the brain produces endorphins, natural opiates, to compensate for pain. You actually get high off the sensation. The “runner’s high” comes from pushing the body painfully for so long that the endorphins kick in; the rush you get after eating chili peppers comes from the same source; and that’s what makes it enjoyable for SM players to be whipped or spanked or whatever. It’s not pain, its pleasure! All athletes that are “hooked on exercise” are essentially masochists who enjoy stressing their bodies to get that chemical response. So your friend who enjoys being spanked may actually be a lot less masochistic than your average marathon runner!

Endorphins are by no means The Single Explanation for why masochists find intense sensation to be desirable. Not every masochist floats away blissfully while being whipped, nor would they all even want to. The ways to experience intense sensation varies from dreamlike rush to stinging ouch to irritating maddening burn to soothing warmth to tears-in-the-eyes throbbing… and whatever the sensation, there is likely someone who enjoys it.

Some people consider all this absurd. “How could you WANT pain?” The best answer I can give is that some people simply seem to be calibrated differently. They want more sensation; they find the intensity thrilling and exciting, whereas someone else might find it overpowering and agonizing. People like different amounts of spice in their food; why not in their sexual encounters? Each person experiences sensation differently, and if you want more, there are safe ways for you to get it. Getting what you want, safely, can make your life much happier.

If you have questions, please feel free to email me. “Education’s purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.”- Malcolm S. Forbes.

Interview with Mike Prater

Interview with Mr. Mid-West Leather 2011 Mike Prater

Paul Brown
Chicago Den

Mike Prater, Mr. Mid-West Leather 2011

EVANSVILLE, Ind. - I had the great privilege to sit down with and interview Mr. Mid-West Leather 2011, Mike Prater. We talked about his title and his perception of the leather/kink community in his small town. Talking with Mike, about how being a titleholder was a life-changing experience and how connections made with others in the community during his title year have forged deep and profound friendships that will last a lifetime. I was genuinely moved by these pronouncements. As I talked with him, it made me yearn to be a part of this incredible family of friends. After all, like many leathermen/women, I am a sentimental sap and I respond well to emotional triggers.

Here is his interview:

Paul: Tell me about yourself, when did you into leather?

Mike: We are talking a long time ago, probability when I was 29 or 30, so we are looking about 26 or 27 years ago. I stumbled upon a Drummer magazine, I was fascinated by the pictures I saw. It was the SMBD aspect of it, there wasn’t a lot of bondage in there but there was a lot of SMBD in there. Then I moved to Evansville (Ind., from Owensboro, Ky.) and there was a small Leather group here. I became fixated with this group. It was years after that I gradually became a main player, and then I meet The Conductors (a leather group from Nashville, Tenn.). I went to their second leather run in Nashville, Tenn., and I just stumbled on it actually. It is the whole smell of the leather, the way it looks, if it is tailored right, there is something so masculine about leather and just expanded for me over the last 27 years.

Paul: What are your kinks/fetishes? 

Mike: You know when you get online I get that question a lot, people are curious, sometimes I say it is easier to say what I am not into. As far as kinks and fetishes, my kink is different than your kink but sometimes I don’t consider some things kinky, I consider it foreplay, because if you do it so much it is no longer kinky. I don’t consider water sports kinky, I don’t consider flogging that kinky any more or spanking, because it is my foreplay. If I had to pick one major kink/fetish it would be breath control. I kind of live by a model that your pain is my pleasure.

Paul: I recently saw a poster of yours that showed you with two leather puppies. Is puppy play an interest for you?

Mike: Yes, I am interested, but there is more to it then I thought. It is more than just a tail sticking out of the ass and a rolled up newspaper. I did attend a class at CLAW to see about being a handler. It’s a work in progress.

Paul: What does a leatherman mean to you?

Photo by Paul Brown

Mike at International Mr. Leather 34.

Mike: To me it is very sexual, very masculine and exudes confidence. Now leathermen have changed and we do a lot of charity work. You know a fundraiser doesn’t get me hard (more evil grins and a laugh).

Paul: How is the leather/kink in your area?

Mike: (pauses) Well, considering I live in a small town, it’s hidden but it’s here, we have munch club here, so it is more pansexual then it is anything else. It’s here, but subdued, people are coming out but they are hard to find. Of course, I have a group of friends that are more into kink that I do not play with.

Paul: Have you ever thought about trying to revive the leather community in Evansville and if so how?

Mike: Well, I have been in contact with the local bars about doing a leather contest. I have tried to get the leather community to take over a bar. When I go out to the bar with my friends, we are always in leather. I also have thrown a CLAW nation fundraiser with great success.

Paul: What made you run for a leather title and why?

Mike: Once again, years ago when I was looking at Drummer magazine I became aware of IML. Now I was interested in it and then of course, I saw these pictures of all these beautiful men. You find out you belong to a certain section and you want to be there but you never thought about the title you just knew there was a contest. As the years progressed, it was always in the background, while doing things with the Leather community and I decided to step forward. I had thought about it for years and this isn’t something I just all of sudden I decided to do. We are talking 2003 or maybe 2004 that I had the idea that maybe I would do something. One the reasons people run for a title is that they have a message and they want to get it out. That is one of the ways to it, their platform shall we say and to step up as a leader of the community or as an ambassador. So maybe all along I had that goal and never realized it.

Paul: How has being Mr. Mid-West Leather changed you?

Mike: I see a lot of camaraderie in the leather community. I have always felt like I had a leather family but when I became Mr. Mid-West, there was more of a bond. As far as sex went, I had less sex as a titleholder then I did when I wasn’t, I was too busy working with the community. I found out I was busier with the community. The higher you get the more work you have, that is what I believe so I used it to get out the message I had and talk about leather and maybe mentoring someone who is coming into leather. So it really did not change me, it allowed me to take what was inside and bring it out.

Paul: How do you want people to remember you as a titleholder?

Mike: I don’t necessarily want people to remember as a titleholder, I want people to remember me as a person. When they think of me, I want them to think of something good that I had said to them, maybe words of encouragement or something that made them smile, like I said, not as a titleholder but as a person. The titleholder doesn’t make you, you make the title. If you believe that the title makes you, then when you give up your title the following year, then you believe you are nothing. That is simply not true.

Paul: Do you think leather titles are still relevant and why?

Mike: Yes, you know I understand a lot of people look at it and think it is a little narcissistic or they think that it is a pageant, maybe a pretty boy circuit, trusts me I am not a pretty boy. I think of a titleholder as an ambassador of his community. We are links to other leather communities. We share ideas, knowledge and community spirit.

Paul: Tell me about your experience at IML?

Photo by Paul Brown

Mike: Well, a lot of work. I was a good contestant till the last night. (yet another evil grin and laugh) I became very close with everyone there the class of XXXIV, the camaraderie we had made it all worthwhile. I know that is cliché but, I was living the dream, it was so surreal. When I stepped up on the stage, it was exciting and nerve racking.

Paul: How has competing for IML changed you?

Mike: It has opened me up a little more to the leather community, sometimes at my age we become a little jaded. When I watch some of the young ones come in that need guidance, makes me want to get out and help a little more and I kind of see some of these young ones feel as I do with no one to talk too. Some of the older ones you want to get know a bit more, it’s like finding lost family. Maybe it is like going to a family reunion with people you don’t know. Then you discover them and want to stay in contact. So it opened me up a bit more to the Leather community perhaps. I am still me that hard ass leatherman but as for inside with the leather family. (pauses) It is like a straight family - A mother and father and they are having a child, watching it being born. If you never have been though that, when you go to the leather community and see all these young people coming out in the leather community to discover, what you discovered 20 some odd years ago. There is a sense of belonging. Does that make sense?

Paul: Yes it does, it makes prefect sense to me.

Mike: So that is probably it.

Paul: What advise do you have for someone running for a leather title?

Mike: Be focused, know what you want, be in control and know your leather. If you want to run for a title, you need to know why you are running for one. You have to know what you are going to do with that title. If are going in for simply narcissistic reasons, you are wrong. As part of the leather community, it is sexual but it changed in the ‘80s. So when the leather community stepped up, not only we about sex, we also about our community.

Paul: Thank you for your time and is there anything you want leave with everyone?

Mike: Remember one thing, when you are out working in the community, never forget to have fun.

Playtime Explored: What and Why BDSM

Playtime Explored: What and Why BDSM

Paul Brown
Chicago Den
 

Paul Brown

"BDSM" is an acronym of "B&D" (Bondage & Discipline), "D&S" (Dominance & Submission), and "S&M" (sadomasochism). "BDSM" refers to any or all of these things, and a lot of stuff besides.

Tying up your lover is BDSM; so is flogging that person, or bossing that person around, or any of a thousand other things. BDSM is highly erotic, usually (though not always) involves sex or sexual tension; and is highly psychologically charged. One person (the "submissive") agrees to submit to another person (the "dominant"); or, alternately, one person agrees to receive some sort of sensation, such as spanking, from another.

Some people like to be submissive all the time, some people like to be dominant all the time; some people like to switch, being submissive one day and dominant the next.

Many people practice some element of BDSM in their sexual lives without even necessarily being aware of it. They may think of "S&M" as "That sick stuff that people do with whips and cattle prods and stuff," yet still blindfold one another from time to time, or tie one another down and break out the whipped cream...

All of these things are "BDSM." BDSM is not necessarily hardcore sadomasochism; it can be remarkably subtle and sensual and soft. Pinning your partner to the bed and running silk or ice cubes or rabbit fur over your lover's body qualifies as "BDSM" (specifically, of a variety called "sensation play").

There are many people involved in BDSM who enjoy tying others up, or being tied up themselves, but who do not enjoy S&M--that is, they aren't interested in inflicting or receiving pain. Sometimes, one partner just ties up the other, as a form of foreplay. Similarly, there are many people who may like the psychological control they get from ordering their lovers to do things, but do not care for being physically restrained or tied, or for tying up their lovers.

The image of BDSM that is portrayed in many materials of this sort has about as much to do with BDSM as the child's tale "Jack and the Magic Beanstalk" has to do with agriculture. These materials show little more than men being used in various unoriginal ways for men's enjoyment, usually by force. BDSM is a mutual activity that is driven more by the needs of the submissive than by the needs of the dominant.

People who are practicing BDSM in any of its trillions of forms are doing it voluntarily, for fun. It's a way to explore. Everything that happens in a BDSM relationship is consensual; and believe it or not, it's not just about the dominant getting what he or she wants--it's more about the submissive getting what he wants.

An abuser has no regard for the feelings, needs, or limits of the victim. A BDSM dominant is concerned above all else with the needs and desires of the submissive. Pretty straightforward, really.

I leave you with this thought; "People don't ask for facts in making up their minds. They would rather have one good, soul-satisfying emotion than a dozen facts." 

My Leather Life

I had a blast this last weekend at IML34 in Chicago! It was so great to meet old friends and make new ones. It is funny, most the gay community do not accept Leather folk, and I just don't understand that? We make up such a small percentage and they look down upon us? Leather folk are always and I mean always there for you. If I needed help and I needed it right now, I could pick up the phone right now and make an emergency call and I would have some of Leather brothers and sisters right there.

this Richard Savvy Mr Sydney Leather 2012

One great thing I have to say, is that the BDSM lifestyle has gone mainstream! With the book 50 shades of gray. I hope most people read it and see the love and the compassion on in it and not all the S&M sex in it. I hope it opens their eyes and see the love we all feel for each other.

I don;t think people understand how loving and how much money is to be made from the Leather community. I think I heard someone say it was going to be right around 60 million for the city of Chicago. That is a lot of money! Sponsorship this were was Miller Lite beer and Orbitz. Some big names there. Plus the hotels bid on where it is going to be each year. They all want the contact.

Eric International Mr Leather 2011

The BDSM community does a lot of fund raiser for all kinds of places. My Best Friend Mike Prater has done a lot himself. I am sure he raised over $10,000 in the past 2 years. Never asking any thing for himself. We are a caring and giving group of people. I wish evryone would take the time and go to one of these leathr events and just see what is going on and all the good they are doing.

Mike Prater Mr Mid-west Leather 2011 (my best friend)

Please if you have the time, read, get to know someone, talk to someone about the Leather community and don't be narrow minded about it and just think about all the kinky sex, ther is so much more!

My History in Leather

In April 2004, I won the Indiana Leather Sir contest held at the 501 in Indianapolis Indiana. I found this pic of me from the Leather Journal and wanted to post it.  

I am thinking about running for another Leather title, after I got home for IML34. I miss that feeling of the brotherhood with my Leather Brothers and also my Leather Sisters.

Leather History

On May 28, 1989: Tony DeBlase presents his design for a leather pride flag to the audience at International Mr. Leather, the first time the flag is presented to the public.

Also on this day in 1993, The Leather Archives and Museum opens its first display of collected materials during the International Mr. Leather weekend in Chicago.

Family by choice

You are my family, but we don’t share blood.


You are my family by choice.


The most powerful bond is the one that we choose.


I choose you as my friend, and rejoice.

You are my sister and you are my brother.


We are the closest of kin.


You are the one I can call in the night,


and know that you’ll wake with a grin.

When trouble shows up and grief’s close behind,


your words and your love keep me strong.


It’s you who would sit by my hospital bed,

and love me a beautiful song.

You Intend for the world to be gentle to me,


and you Vision my life full of Peace.


We are joined in a way that is foreign to most,


and I pray that it never will cease.

This is America

I have been called many things over the years. A few of the more “polite”: Liberal, Socialist, Leftist, Progressive, Democrat, Independent. But I am simply a messenger of information. 

How can America be a described as a “republic” as it originally was thought to be, if the Republican party demands we are run by “majority rule”, better understood as “mob rule”, which is actually how a “democracy” is run, the very ideology they claim to hate and the reason why many of them try to demonize the Democratic party by calling it the “democrat” party, in hopes people will see a correlation? If we were allowed to run America as a “mob rule”, (think majority making all decisions even if negative for the minority), woman would never have been allowed to vote, as was the case when the majority in New York years ago voted against allowing this, and how the majority in the country voting against allowing black people equal rights as white people, and as in many examples through out America’s history where the majority did not want to allow the minority (woman, blacks, immigrants, gays, the disabled, etc) to have the same rights, freedoms and protections under the law.

My Thoughts on Gay Marriage

I could care less what they call it, gay marriage or domestic partnership etc..... I would like to have the same right as everyone else, to be treated equal. It is not fair that I cant marry the person I love and pay higher taxes because of it. I could have a partner for 20 years and even if he had a will to leave everything to me, his family could come in and take it all away, just because I can't marry him and the judge would look at me as a nobody to my partner.

 If you say there can be not partnership or marriage, that gives people the right to think that I am a lesser person then what they are. Meaning I am wrong with my life, not a choice, if it was, why would I choose it? If my partner gets sick and is in the hospital, I cant go to see him if the family stops me or if they are in intensive care, because I am not family by law.


 Again call what you want, just give me the same rights as everyone else has. I not asking for special rights, because when did life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness become a special right? If people want to use the bible about being gay is wrong, remember it says that if you wear a garment made of more then one fabric, it is an abomination to God, if you eat shell fish it is an abomination to God, women do not teach men, for it is an abomination to God. I could go on and on with a bigger list. The point I am getting at is people want to pick out something in the Bible like being gay, is wrong in Gods eyes and forget the rest they do in their lives.

In this world

To the world you may just be one person, but to one person you may be the world

Human Race

I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we're really not that different, you and I! Black or white, we are all one race, the human race!

True Family

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life

My Love

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."

Nature

Look at the trees, look at the birds, look at the clouds, look at the stars... and if you have eyes you will be able to see that the whole existence is joyful.  Everything is simply happy.  Trees are happy for no reason; they are not going to become prime ministers or presidents and they are not going to become rich and they will never have any bank balance.  Look at the flowers - for no reason.  It is simply unbelievable how happy flowers are.  

Because I love you

You don't love a man because he is handsome, he is beautiful because you love him

Love

Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, never… never forget it.

Every wrong decision is in fact a correct decision but taken at a wrong time so my friends don't regret... don't stop... keep walking ahead. 

Being Free

When we lose the right to be different, 

we lose the privilege to be free 

The Truth

Never apologize for showing feeling. 

When you do so, you apologize for the truth 

Forgive but never forget!

You've got to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you've got, and remember what you had. Always forgive, but never forget. Don't Judge, learn from mistakes, but never regret 

What is love?

What is love? Love is when one person knows all of your secrets... your deepest, darkest, most dreadful secrets of which no one else in the world knows... and yet in the end, that one person does not think any less of you; even if the rest of the world does. 

Happy People

 The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best

of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Denial

A man begins dying at the moment of his birth. Most people live in denial of Death's patient courtship until, late in life and deep in sickness, they become aware of him sitting bedside. 

Express yourself

Art is the desire of a man to express himself, to record the reactions of his personality to the world he lives in. 

Even the nights are better

I never dreamed there'd be someone to hold, until you told me and now that I found you! 

The past

I wish life was a remote. Play the easy times. Pause the good times. Fast forward the bullshit. Rewind the memories.

Why?

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

First Day of Spring!

Spring shows what God can do with a drab and dirty world.

Only in my dreams

FREEDOM!

Remember the time

Jail House Rock

Pretty Fly

Kong-Fu fighting

Turbo Love

Can You Feel The Love Tonight

Better watch out, there is a "Monkey on your back"

Life in a Northern Town

In Your Room

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Be our Guest

Homophobia

Did you know that many Christians don't know that:

Jesus says nothing about same-sex behavior?
The Jewish prophets are silent about homosexuality?
Only six or seven of the Bible's one million verses refer to same-sex behavior in any way -- and none of these verses refer to homosexual orientation as it's understood today?

I was watching TV and I saw a segment from the Ellen show, it was about a group called One Million Moms and how they wanted everyone to boycott JC Penney's for hiring Ellen as a spokes person. Wow I am still shocked, and I don't know why, that hates groups are still out there. I am so sad that people are still using the Bible as a weapon. God would have never wanted anyone to be hated in the way they do.


I am a openly gay Christian and I do not think that God hates me for being this way. I was born this way and God loves me no matter what anyone says or tries to intemperate the Bible to say.


I wish more people could focus on love and being kind as my church does. I go to Zion UCC in Henderson KY and I have to say I love that place! I feel at home and no one and I mean no one treats me bad, they accept me for who and what I am. I can even take a guy that I am dating with me. What Church should be all about, Love not Hate!

   
I thank God every day for the wonderful people has put in my life and even my family. I have two great open and accepting parents and my sister loves me too! My close friends are the best people I have had in my life. My friends at Church are the nicest people you could ever meet. Even at work everyone is accepting of me, managers too. Now how lucky am I? God has truly blessed me!


Now God had one more surprise for me, he bought Shayne into my life. Again God is looking out for me and taking care of me. He brings people into my life that I need at the right time, and most of all for a good reason.


Don't get me wrong I have up times and down times, I am human, plus I have to deal with people that are homophobic. It does get to me from time to time, but then I remember that God is looking out for me.