My Love

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."

What is love?

What is love? Love is when one person knows all of your secrets... your deepest, darkest, most dreadful secrets of which no one else in the world knows... and yet in the end, that one person does not think any less of you; even if the rest of the world does. 

Even the nights are better

I never dreamed there'd be someone to hold, until you told me and now that I found you! 

Can You Feel The Love Tonight

Is this the love I have been looking for?

Well it happened to me, something I thought was dead in me. Yes I am in Love with a handsome and wonderful man! I am very lucky I have found him, because I thought it wasn't within me. He proved me wrong, thank God! We have decided to give this a chance and see where it goes.

I have to say, the more I get to know him, the more I love him. He is everything I was looking for, after I stopped looking. It is so true when people say stop looking and it will find you. It did for me!!!

Throughout life you will meet one person who is unlike any other. This person is one you could forever talk to. They understand you in a way that no one else does or even could. This person is your soul mate, your best friend. Don't ever let them go, for they're your guardian angel sent from heaven above.

What can I say about him, but he loves me for whom I am and the same goes for me. He understand me, and most of all he gets me! We are so much a like but yet so different, which makes for a great relationship. We have a great start and I am looking forward to see what happens in the future! 


One the thing that has impressed me so much was his art. Here is picture he drew that I love so dearly. (He has a bachelors in art and Masters in music, so impressive!) 

There are so many sides to him that brings out the best in me. He has opened my eyes up to new things and to see things so differently. He has inspired me to do a picture a day, as I see it, with my twist on it, every picture title is a name of song, that fits the picture. Thank you so much Shayne, I love you and I look forward to our life ahead of us!

Jungle Love

Something has changed in my Life

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death!


I use to think this way until Shayne came into my life and now I am thinking about the opportunities that are ahead of me instead of being safe. My life has taken another jump start!


He has inspired me to do open my heart and my mind. I thought it would be a big deal that he lives so far from my me, but something about him makes it all OK. Also he showed me his blog and how he likes to take pictures. Which now I want to do the same thing with my own twist.

His eye to detail is amazing and he has opened my eyes to things I have never noticed. I am so glad he has shown me his world though his eyes. 


He takes a picture every day and I think I will start doing the same with my own twist. Now what that twist is? Well I will have to figure that out.

Well as you see, I think, well I am I in love with him. He is one great guy with a wonderful heart! He has changed my life for the better!

The one

I have to say I had a great night last night! Shayne and I have been talking for a long time now and decided to meet in St Louis to see if this spark is real, and I have to say it was!

We meet at the Harrah's Casino in St Louis and the moment I saw him get out of his car, my eyes lite up and heart started to beat a little faster. Finally a man that made me see that I still have a heart to love someone and not be that scared to show it.


He has the most beautiful blue eyes and when I look into them I see a wonderful man and a pure sole. I see a man that has opened my heart and eyes to see a whole new world.


I thought I had lost that ability to feel that after my last break up, 4 years ago. Thank God that I got the chance to meet him and feel the things he made me feel.


You know that spark when you meet someone? I felt it with him and trust me, you can't make yourself feel it. It chooses you, you don't choose it. Is this the one? The one that will be mine for the rest of life? I hope so!


I know we meet online about a year ago and only started to talk on the phone the last few weeks, but he does feel like he is the one for me. I know what you are saying to yourself, you only just meet him, how could you love him? Well my parents knew each other for 2 weeks before they got married and they were together till my Father dies for 60 years.


We have talked about "our relationship" and we both agree, there is no problem as permanent as a solution to it. So if we go into this, with this idea, then it will work. We will make it work.


We are so much a like but yet have some many things different. That the makings of a great relationship.  It makes me smile to see him how passionate he is about things I never thought about or even looked at. He is good for me as I am for him.

I have to give thanks to God for sending him my way! One of new years resolutions was to stop looking and just face it, I would be alone for the rest of life. But guess what, I wont!!!!!!

Take a chance on me

You're so scared to fall in love, because you end up in the dust, every-time. I know you know there's something here, but you cannot get pas the fear. 


I can help you make it clear...

So when you feel like trying again reach out, take my hand, so how great it could be to fall in love with someone you can trust. Who would never give up on you, Baby take a chance on me


Meet this guy the other day, well over a year ago, but we just talking again, and something happened in me that has not happened in a long time and I thought would never happen again in my life time. 

It is funny, I have talked with a lot guys and dated a few too, but there has to be something, a spark, and that can be just said, it is felt deep inside of you. A feeling like no other. 


On my day off I talked with Shayne for over 6 hours on the phone and still had a ton of things to talk about and I don't want to hang up the phone when I talk with him. 


This guy has hit me hard, but I am a little scared. I am not scared of him, just I don't want to get my heart broken any more. It has been glued back together so many times that is a little on the fragile side.


I know I will take it slow with this one, I don't want to mess things up and I want to make sure he is Mr right for me. But right now I do feel he is the man I have been waiting for.


It is funny, new years eve 2012, I decided to give up and just except that all I would ever have in my life was friends. And you know, that good enough for me, but them enters Shayne to make me feel diffidently.


I think we will have a bright future ahead of us, but most of all I have to thank him for letting my head and heart know that I can still feel that special feeling inside. That feeling that makes me smile deep inside, that makes me want to yell to the word, this is it!


I have tried to date other guys and I have to say I talked and dated some great guys but I did not feel that spark inside. Don't get me wrong they are great loving men but you know what I mean, you can make that feeling happen.

I was born this way

I want to tell you a little bit about my life growing up and struggles I have went though. I was born in a very small city called Washington IN to a pair of wonderful parents. As a child my parents took very good care of me and gave as much as they could. I have to say I was truly blessed with great parents! I have two brothers and one sister. I am not very close to them at all (my siblings) My sister is the closest to me. There is a wide rang between myself and them, Phillip is 16 years older, David is 15 years and Deena is 10 years. My self I am 43 now.

This is my family 

This one has my brothers in it.

My parents took me to church every week, Wednesday night, Sunday morning and Sunday night. As I was growing up in in a Southern Baptist church, I remember the fear of God being put in me every week. I remember one preacher that talked about how much God hated homosexuals and they were going to burn in hell. So every week I would listen and think about how I knew I was gay and that my life would be damed forever.

I went to grade school at Griffith Elementary School. Every day I would go to school, at first the teachers did not like me having a southern accent ( my mother is from Kentucky) and sent me to speech class to unlearn it. The other kids teased me about it because the adults made such a big deal about it. Then the heavy teasing that would scare me for life started.  In PE class the teacher was named Bill Settles. He started to call me a fag at the age of 10. Every day he would put me down in front of the whole class. 

I was always chosen last in the games in PE and was told by the teacher I was no good. It even went as far as when I would see him walk down the halls in school, he would always call me fag. So now I am getting all this stuff thrown at me at Church and School. Just because I was gay.

I started to  come to grips with myself being gay as I went though puberty about age 13. Now at school and Church I knew what they were seeing. I tried my best to cover it up and over come it. As I told once, as a child, it is a phase you are going though.

This is Ruth and I

I remember the first person I told I am gay. That day will always be with me for the rest of life because it was one of the worse days of life. I was 16 and was going to Washington High School. I stopped in to see the school nurse, her name was Teddy, I told her "I am gay and I don't know what to do?" She got up from her desk and walked towards the door and opened it. As she was walking she told me me the best thing for was to forget that I ever said that, because it is not natural and not right and she would pretend I never told her thing like that, then she asked me to leave her office.

Now I am so depressed that I am gay, a sick person, a wrong person, God hates me and I am going to hell! That is a lot for a kid to go though. Some of the kids from grade school are not calling me fag in the hall ways of school even more so then in grade school. I even seen Bill Settles teaching drivers education and he called me fag in the high school hallways too.

Every day of my life I was called fag and it was starting to get to me. At one time and I am sure my Mother remembers that day. I locked myself in my room and though about killing myself. I am dammed any way so why don't I just end it now. I really came close to doing it. I am sitting her crying now thinking about the pain I was in back then. I was so afraid if my parents found out, that I would be kicked out into the streets. For some reason, well God, stopped me and helped me along the way. I know this now, but back then I though he hated me.

I have left a lot of the details of things that happened to me, but listed some more of the painful ones. I still remember a school mate of mine holding me down in the locker room in the 7th grade locker room and making me kiss his feet as the whole class watched me. No one stepped in to help me. He even beat me up after school. His name is Mark and I wont say his last name, because I have forgiven him after I heard about his family life. 

I have always struggled being gay and being a christian too. But now I am OK with it. It took me till I was in my 30s before I understood that I was not wrong and that God did not hate me. I have to thank Ben Guess for that and the Zion United Church of Christ. They have re-taught me that being gay and Christian is normal and OK.

I have come a long way and still yet, this day I still struggle from time to time because of the deep scares from my childhood. I know I have blocked some things out and I hope the day I remember them, I can deal with it. I have to say people like Madonna and Lady Gaga have helped me some much. I have to thank them for that, because I don't know if I would still be here if it wasn't for them. Madonna was my only positive support as a teen and Lady Gaga as an adult.

I know now that "I was born this way" and I am normal. I hope the www.bornthiswayfoundation.org helps out youth struggling with being bullied and being gay. I wish I would have had some support like that as I was growing up. I think I would be a different person to this day. 

As I go though life now, I see kids with their parents and see that the child is gay, it is painful clear to me, and I hope that child doesn't have to go though what I went though. I want to run up them and tell them to take extra care of their child because he/she is going to need it. And that it is OK if they are gay, just support them, be there for them and make sure that all is well with then in school.

So all of you whom has read this, think about how you react to someone that is gay and what you say around your children. The next time you see someone being bullied or being called names, stop and see what you can do to help them out. Don;t turn away and say it is not my problem, because as a human being it is. Make a difference in this world and help a child out.

So for those people that have done that in my life, Madonna, Lady Gaga, Rev Ben Guess and God, I thank you all for the help in my life. Without them I know I would not still be here this day.

How do you know?

I ask myself this question all the time, How do I know?  I guess the best advice I can give myself is that you will know deep in your sole, you will feel it. It has happened before and it will happen again. I am sure you all know what I am talking about? I am talking about when you fall for someone.

It confuses me so. I don't know if it something I want, or is something I just feel? When I meet a guy there is a certain something that you feel as soon as he walks up. Most the time it is lust and sometimes it is just to talk. If the lust connects and gos to the next step or spend the night just talking, sometimes you feel in the pit of your stomach there could be something there.

Now with that said, damn that scares the hell out of me! Although  I would like to date someone and have someone to just be there with me though the good times and the bad, I am still afraid of getting hurt. Which makes me not want to take the steps to get to know someone that I feel something for.

The latest one I meet scares me so. We had the best night and I felt something and I think so did he. Now when is a good time call? Go back out? Just don't want to seam pushy? Don;t want seam so distant. With all these questions, what do I do?

I have tried to just go for it and it has come back to smack me in the face and other times I kept my distance and lost the guy to someone else. So how do I know? What is right and when it is right?

I know one thing I have learned, you can make it happen. If you don't feel it deep inside, it is just not there and you cant make it happen. I have a guy that is head over heals for me, but it is not there for me. I have tried and tried to make it happen and I can't make it. Well one day it will happen for me. I think I am a pretty good guy with a lot to offer to that special person.